Welcome to Review Raiders, where we defend the honor of some of our favorite establishments from the savage judgment of the internet. In other words, we’re taking irrational restaurant reviews and giving them some constructive feedback. Now, let us be clear — we wholeheartedly believe in freedom of speech (and taste), which is precisely why we feel inclined to exercise our own. Every 1-star review has its story, and every story deserves a happy rebuttal.
Juan in a Million knows exactly what they’re doing. So when we entered their chaotic breakfast rush, it was no surprise that their staff was riding the tsunami with smiles on their faces. Seriously, this place is a well oiled machine that flips tummies from hungry to happy at an alarming rate. The only ones breaking a sweat were my fellow Raiders and I (but that had everything to do with the fact that their salsa had Ronaldo-level kick). I’m gonna go ahead and say it: Juan in a Million is an Austin breakfast institution. Sure, what do I know? Only what I saw, experienced, and shoved into my mouth. As for the online nitpickers…
Here’s a shocking admission: I agree with exactly one third of this review. Their portions are, in fact, enormous. But I will never complain about enormous portions. Like when I was chipping away at my mountain of a breakfast taco (the Don Juan) and finding that each bite of bacon, potato, egg and cheese brought me a profound sense of purpose. I conquered that beast, and I’m a better man because of it. Nobody was prouder of me than Juan himself, who was waiting at the exit to give me what I would have to say was a top-5 handshake of all time. Eye contact, firm grasp, pulled in for a brisk hug, light slap on the back — all culminating in a sincere “thanks for stopping by!” It was about as annoying as a stranger telling you that your shirt is rad (not annoying at all).
Look, I’m not going to pretend like I tried every single item on this menu, so I can only speak to the things we ate. And if you think that was just a sneaky way of questioning whether or not this reviewer did…you’re not wrong. With that being said, we didn’t only “bother” with breakfast food. Our gracious server and general ray of light, Goyis, recommended that we try the menudo soup. Is soup an odd choice at 10AM? Yes. Was it a hearty and delicious bowl of awesome that I couldn’t get my filthy paws out of? Also yes. We trusted Goyis because she’s been imparting wisdom on customers for more than 20 years, and she’s not even the longest tenured employee! In fact, the entire staff on the floor that morning had worked there from 15 to 25 years. These were folks that were proud of what they’ve built, together. It would be downright irresponsible to not acknowledge how that passion is reflected in the service they provide. Goyis doesn’t know this yet, but she is now a life-long friend. We barely even had to beg for this photo with her.
